Sorry...

... we've been a bit lazy this week - we're going to put a load of new stuff up this week, honest - the full transcript of the Bill Drummond/Stewart Home piece from Socialism 4 will be up by end of week, along with a load of other stuff, been a bit hectic i.e. we're too hungover to open our eyes to anything much beyond a pained wince... anyways, more stuff, soon. Guilty Pleasures at Everything Must Go tonight, we'll be holding on to the bar for dear life...

And We Thought Lindsey Lohan Couldn't Get Any Better...

We just want to make it clear that, in her hour of need, Socialism magazine (and possibly Donnie Tourette from Towers Of London) are here to offer a shoulder to cry on...

Socialism’s Honorary Socialites List 2006

You may have read about the NME's annual 'Cool List' being published this week, and, as every year, amongst the great and the good, the list is peppered with the usual motley assortment of idiots that you'd rather bite your way out of a barbed wire prison than spend 2 seconds in the company of. This year, we sat and painstakingly researched (i.e. we sat in the park drinking bottles of cider hidden from the world in brown paper bags) an 'alternative' list, one we felt represented the true geniuses of our age, in many cases the ones that get away every year when a quiet news week comes along and yr stuck for a way to fill ten pages. So, here, we salute the Socialites - each one welcome to come claim a night out on the piss at our expense down the Social if you can punch us awake...

1. Lovefoxxx from CSS (if you’ve seen or heard her, this needs no explanation)
2. Super Hans from Peep Show (what do you mean he’s fictional?)
3. Nicky Wire (mainly for making “I Killed The Zeitgeist” then splitting up with himself rather than do any more gigs to promote it)
4. The Rev, Towers Of London (‘Most people refer to me as THE Rev’)
5. The guy who plays Omar off The Wire (mainly for being in “Trapped In The Closet”)
6. R Kelly (for “Trapped In The Closet”, obviously - still doing it)
7. Gruff Rhys (for ‘Candylion’ and the proposed SFA classical album)
8. Perez Hilton (hello fruits!)
9. Pete Fowler (for Monsterism, Menstasm and Soft Focus)
10. Dean Gaffney (mainly for ‘I’m A Celebrity…’)
11. David Gest (mainly for his New Year’s Eve spectacular)
12. David Cross (for Dr Tobias Funke & performing the Bank Of America dude’s song with Johnny Marr)
13. The Bank Of America dude (for pre-empting the above by writing that song)
14. Vincent Gallo (for the cover of Purple Fashion mag, where he does a photo shoot entirely in drag for no real reason – the maternity wear bit is particularly good)
15. The singer of Circulus (for general service to Witchcraft and leather jerkins)
16. Sebastian Horsley (for getting himself booted out of the Observer for talking about giving and receiving blow jobs)
17. The drummer of The Magic Numbers (Charles Manson/serial killer chic is in, we’re told)
18. Kat Von D off ‘Miami Ink’ (new LA based series coming soon!!)
19. Mark Brandon ‘Chopper’ Read (as always)
20. The House Of Lords, The Young Knives (‘nuff said)
21. The dude out of Spank Rock (deserves it for “Bump” alone)
22. Cat Power (mainly for making recovering from alcoholism sexy)
23. Joanna Newsom (thankfully no longer annoying, great attitude, great record)
24. Bill Drummond (for November 21st No Music Day – actually, why stop there?)
25. Andrew Stockdale, Wolfmother (met NME in Paris with a bottle of whisky and a picture of Bon Scott, demanding to vist Jim Morrrison’ grave)
26. Boris Johnson (who needs a reason to put this fruitcake in there???)
27. The Mighty Boosh (do they count as one person?)
28. Jade's PA, whoever that may be (what a show!)
29. Stella Vine (for genius paintings of Preston & Chantelle and Otis Ferry)
30. Jamie T
31. Tim Smith, Midlake (more miserable than Yorkie Boy)
32. The drummer From Muse
33. Banged Up Abroad (More please!)
34. The Turncoat
35. Peter Perrett (Vodaphone now paying for his habit!)
36. JJ
37. David Wrench
38. Lauren’s Booth/Laverne/Harries
39. Gary Powell (still doing it)
40. Ian Astbury (Comeback Of The Year and, thankfully, still an honorary Door)

Socialism Connected Bar, Everything Must Go, Opening Friday...

At the end of November, the bar formerly known as Pop (14 Soho Street, London, W1 - just off Oxford Street, about 30 yards from its nearest tube, Tottenham Court Road) will begin to get taken apart before being refurbished early in the New Year. In the short period before it gets a much-needed facelift (late Nov until late Jan), the people behind Heavenly Recordings/The Social/Socialism Magazine will programme two months of gigs and clubs to accompany the usual hard drinking we are contemplating over the Christmas & New Year period.

In the blink and you missed it spirit of the original Heavenly Sunday Social at The Albany, the bar, to be rechristened Everything Must Go, will exist only for a limited period in the vein of the legions of temporary Christmas shops that spring up all around town. The promotions aim to reflect this slightly deranged idea, musically covering all bases from freak folk to pounding amyl disco and all points in between. Added to this will be work by designers, painters and video artists covering each of the wall surfaces, creating a temporary exhibition space that will disappear forever when the venue goes dark in the New Year.

Saturday daytimes in December (2pm until 7pm, though might be wise to check times nearer the date) will be given over to a four week only Christmas Market hosted by Socialism Magazine. Stalls will be run by our favourite photographers, artists, clothing and jewellery designers, with records and books also. These market days will be accompanied by one deck DJs, the occasional live band and, hopefully, a full showing of R Kelly's legendary musical soap opera "Trapped In The Closet".

Everything Must Go will open on November 24th. It will close in January.
Launch party on Friday 24th with the Heavenly Jukebox DJs, Pete Fowler and friends and some special live guests. Open from 6pm, all welcome.

Shows throughout December from Dot Allison, Lisa Germano, Xerox Teens, Foals, Lost Penguin, The Hours, Ed Harcourt and all manner of clubnights to keep an eye out for including, of course, the already near legendary GUILTY CHRISTMAS, presented by Sean Rowley with all the usual nonsense from the Guilty Pleasures DJs (Thursday 30th Nov, 7th Dec, 14th Dec, 21st Dec).

Artwork on display/being created throughout December by Pete Fowler, Kavel Rafferty, Jon Burgerman, Ian Stevenson, David Henckel and plenty more.

Check www.myspace.com/everythingmustgolondon for listings...

As Britain's Streets Flood With 'Nazi Crank"...

The big question is, where can we get some???

Dr Tobias Funke Pays Tribute To The Bank Of America Dude

Thank God for David Cross, still funny without the use of deranged racism

Oh Kramer, What The Hell Have You Done???

From the Sydney Morning Herald

A Very Good Point

From today's Guardian

A Worthy Cause

Spillers Records in Cardiff under threat

That Said...

On "Celebrity..." Dean Gaffney is shaping up pretty brilliantly too...

Apologies to anyone outside the UK, these people really aren't worth yr valuable time.

Honorary Socialist - David Gest (a very short appreciation)

Ok, I know "I'm A Celebrity..." has only been on for three days now, and, in truth I've only glanced it from the corner of my eye whilst either sitting reading Modern Painters (i.e. last week's Heat) or discussing the issues of the day with my good lady (arguing the toss over anything cos I've staggered in pissed, again), but, these things I know - the former Mr Minnelli, David Gest, is rapidly shinning up that greasy pole towards that oh-so-desirable position of 'Socialism's Best-Bloke-Ever'. After initially fearing that ITV were including him to up some kind of freak factor (him and the woman with the enormous breasts might make some crazed gruesome twosome pairing), I have been amazed at how much he represents Every Man, albeit an Every Man on the receiving end of Michael Jackson amounts of surgery and who clearly needs to fire his barber. He snores, he raps like yr grandad, he actually wins stars in the food trials (unlike that lilly livered dancing boy last night), he looks like he doesn't give a toss what you think of him, grateful maybe for the lack of mirrors in the jungle. People wanted to hate him when he went in, but what's to hate? The guy is brilliant. A story in todays' Sun newspaper alleges that Gest previously stayed at the Lansborough in London, he had demanded to be brought fresh zebra milk to his suite. This guy just keeps on giving, as far as I'm concerned.

So yes, we're currently keeping all eyes (well, half an eye whilst pouring another stiff vodka) on Gest with a view to moving the Socialism Christmas Shindig from the end of the bar, upstairs at the Social (the bit by the pot wash section) to Gest's New Year's Extravangaza, where for £99 you get to hear such greats as Russell Thompkins Jr And The New Stylistics, Bonnie Tyler, Martha Reeves And The Vandellas & Candi Staton. Personally I don't give a flying fuck about those dudes, I'm going purely to be a guest of the Gest.

Socialism Magazine supports Nov 21st, No Music Day

"Maybe I want music that is to do with place and time and occasion and I don’t just mean something on your MP3 to dull the reality of your bus ride to work, but music to celebrate the great moments in our lives; music that we can only ever hear if we travel to one specific place at one special time. This does not mean Pink Floyd reforming at Live 8"

Things We Love This Month

"London - City Of Disappearences" - Psychogeographer Iain Sinclair edits a brilliant collection of writings about the bits of London that have faded from view - Socialism 4 contributors Bill Drummond and Stewart Home both contribute;

"Candylion" by Gruff Rhys - Super Furries frontman's second solo album, our favourite record of the year;

"Readymade (Instructions for Everyday Life)" & "World Changing (A Users Guide To The 21st Century)" - helping to ease our terminally blotted consciences;

Peep Show Series 3 - when does Free The Paedos actually open?

"Destroy All Humans 2" - at last! You can blow up Haight Ashbury hippies without the very real fear of death by lethal injection;

early morning Jon Pertwee Dr Who repeats on UKTV Gold - like a camp acid flashback whilst eating your Rice Krispies;

The Young Knives album;

and, finally, Everything Must Go - Socialism magazine backed 2 month only bar in Central London - a blink and you've missed it gig venue/art fair just off Oxford Street, opens end of November over by mid January...

There Is Nothing Normal Or Sane About This News Story

"The singer was filming for Sky One's 'The Race' yesterday (November 13) at Silverstone when AC/DC singer Brian Johnson struck the back of her car"

From Today's Guardian

Just When We Thought We Were All Fucked, "Thank You, America"

Holy Shit - David Brent As I Live & Breathe...

I am lead to believe this is actually serious...

Socialism 4 finally available

Sixty boxes of Socialism issue 4 arrived in the office yesterday. Hopefully they'll be long gone by this time next week. As of later today, they will be available in The Social, 5 Little Portland Street, London, W1. Within the next day or two, they should be in both London Rough Trade shops. I'll update here as soon as we've got stock out to other shops and bars. If you want a copy of it posted, please send tape 2 quid to something and send it to Socialism, c/o Heavenly, 47 Frith Street, London, W1D 4SE. Don't call round as it's not a shop and we can't dosh them out!

The 3 Most Terrifying Words In Rock...

Lily Allen - Live.

Power Down For A Couple Of Hours...

Nov 4th voluntary power cut...

The Unusual Suspect

Genius interview with actor Stephen Baldwin, who has renounced coke and shagging for God though, currently, he remains vague on some stronger points of the Bible, such as the Ten Commandments and the Seven Deadly Sins...

Worth Another Look

After last week's brilliant Time Out issue on Disappeared London, it's worth another look at Derelict London, the site we featured in Socialism Issue 3...

Friends In Weird Places

Today was great. I made so many new friends. Romeo Sims offered me ‘Zero clip’. Gwendoline Boucher informed me of her mood (‘immensely dejectedly’). Adrian Beasley turned me on to ‘Biscuit airwaves’. Freda Hampton let slip about ‘the Noun Dwarves’ (where are they playing?) Moses Morton simply stated: ’Backgammon’? Why not?! All of these new pals appeared, uninvited, in my Yahoo messages this morning. Which begs the question - do they exist? If not, then who is the surrealist spymaster conjuring up this fascinating vortex of possibilities?

A quick straw poll of friends and colleagues revealed that none of them had heard from Gwendoline, Moses or Romeo and never had done. Had I been targeted by an elite band of e-intellectuals, eager and willing to lead me towards enlightenment - a modern day Bloomsbury Set with their eyes on the cyber-prize? Or was I merely an unwitting fool guy in some sick in-box hoax? Are Gwendoline and Freda, as we speak, sewing together home-made t-shirts for The Noun Dwarves first gig, in front of a vast web-crowd including Sebastian Lake, Dirk Silence and Ahmad Rogers? Or are they merely random arrangements of vowels and consonants being churned out by an uber-computer deep in Silicon Valley? I’m serious. Does anyone know who the fuck these people are(n’t)?

'Politician Actually Makes Sense' Shocker...

Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, is these days possessed of one great idea. Climate change, and how to avert it, consumes him

Yesterday's Guardian - Drastic Measures Needed On Climate Change

Climate change is not just a moral question: it is the moral question of the 21st century. There is one position even more morally culpable than denial. That is to accept that it's happening and that its results will be catastrophic, but to fail to take the measures needed to prevent it.