Thursday, November 16, 2006

Honorary Socialist - David Gest (a very short appreciation)

Ok, I know "I'm A Celebrity..." has only been on for three days now, and, in truth I've only glanced it from the corner of my eye whilst either sitting reading Modern Painters (i.e. last week's Heat) or discussing the issues of the day with my good lady (arguing the toss over anything cos I've staggered in pissed, again), but, these things I know - the former Mr Minnelli, David Gest, is rapidly shinning up that greasy pole towards that oh-so-desirable position of 'Socialism's Best-Bloke-Ever'. After initially fearing that ITV were including him to up some kind of freak factor (him and the woman with the enormous breasts might make some crazed gruesome twosome pairing), I have been amazed at how much he represents Every Man, albeit an Every Man on the receiving end of Michael Jackson amounts of surgery and who clearly needs to fire his barber. He snores, he raps like yr grandad, he actually wins stars in the food trials (unlike that lilly livered dancing boy last night), he looks like he doesn't give a toss what you think of him, grateful maybe for the lack of mirrors in the jungle. People wanted to hate him when he went in, but what's to hate? The guy is brilliant. A story in todays' Sun newspaper alleges that Gest previously stayed at the Lansborough in London, he had demanded to be brought fresh zebra milk to his suite. This guy just keeps on giving, as far as I'm concerned.

So yes, we're currently keeping all eyes (well, half an eye whilst pouring another stiff vodka) on Gest with a view to moving the Socialism Christmas Shindig from the end of the bar, upstairs at the Social (the bit by the pot wash section) to Gest's New Year's Extravangaza, where for £99 you get to hear such greats as Russell Thompkins Jr And The New Stylistics, Bonnie Tyler, Martha Reeves And The Vandellas & Candi Staton. Personally I don't give a flying fuck about those dudes, I'm going purely to be a guest of the Gest.