In the wake of last Saturday's Eurovision fiasco, ex-Darkness singer Justin Hawkins has again proved himself to be a man of untold wisdom. Having failed in his bid to provide the nation with a decent song for the event (performed dressed up as a Cavalier), he has passed judgment on the dismal efforts of Scooch, who ended up second last, and that only because the Irish took pity on us. "I think Scooch lost because they were rubbish" he said, correctly. "The BBC shouldn't have put it forward. It was supposed to be different this year. The clues in the title, Eurovision Song Contest. It should have been a song".
The winner? Serbia. Nuff said. Second? Ukraine, with what looked like Sue Pollard dressed up as one of the Clangers, whilst two blokes in silver lederhosen did impersonations of Richard, the 'Sexual Terrorist' from last year's Big Brother. Are these places even real countries? On this evidence, they shouldn't be.
And to think we could have had the man behind coke-addicts anthem 'One Way Ticket To Hell' on there, bringing the erm, trophy home. All together now: "It was a dusty old night/ And I'm the first to admit it/ I am sure I upset someone/But my memory has chosen to omit it..." - watch it and think what could have been, brothers and sisters...
By the way, it's worth pointing out that Justin Hawkins, doin' it for the kids light years before Mika, was one of only two people to ever turn down an interview with Socialism - his press officer brushed us off with the words "I think Justin is a little big for this, don't you?" The other one was Andrew Neil. Hmmm.